JoyStickChick

Holy mother of what?! The Beatles Rock Band Limited Edition bundle for only $159.99? And I won’t shoot my eye out? This is the best. Year. Ever. Not just two days ago I was in my local Best Buy establishment, drooling over the massively overpriced Beatles: Rock Band. The $249.99 price tag deterred me (and about everyone else) from buying it, but now that it’s almost $100 cheaper – how can I resist?

Amazon.com is in the “making customers happy” business. The Xbox 360 version of the game is going to be selling for $159.99 and the PS3 version will be priced at $199.99. The year 2010 FTW.

Ha-ha-ha, okay Microsoft. We get it. Your technology is all advanced and you’re going to do great things with it. Like making us look like even bigger idiots. You think I’m happy, sweating profusely while I try again and again to conquer The One on Expert on an itty bitty plastic guitar? Do you think that I think I look cool? No. I know I look dumb. I know I look worse than dumb. I look like someone playing Guitar Hero or Rock Band.

Granted, the games are great but whenever I play I usually close my blackout curtains and make sure my boyfriend isn’t coming downstairs. It’s worse than masturbating.

Back in October of 2009, Microsoft was all giddy to show us their muscle-based control interface. Now, they just recently filed a patent for a “Wearable Electromyography-based Controller for Human-Computer Interface.” Uh-huh. While my IQ level doesn’t allow me to fully understand what that means, I grasp that it is a high-tech doohickey that allows us to control the game with body movements. (Which I thought project Natal was all about, but whatever.) It’s probably far, far, far away from the end consumer, so I’m not too interested at this point. I just hope it’s better than the Nintendo Power Glove.

Oh Hero of Time, how I hardly knew ye. The full-length film dedicated to the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time game is no longer being electronically distributing its movie, due to Nintendo’s wishes. That makes good sense, seeing that a big company like Nintendo is sure to have its corporate sized panties in a twist over this copyright infringement. I’m surprised that the Hero of Time it made it this long.

Hero of Time has bad acting, yes, loads of it. But you can’t ignore the charm this film has. This small group of dedicated Zelda fans are admirable. If you want to check out how awesomely horrible this film is, catch it (in parts) on Youtube:

I can’t quite decide which is worse. The actual acting in this film or the fact that there will never be a big budget Ocarina of Time movie.

Post-holiday sales are fantastic, and seeing that this one includes one of my all-time favorite games, I’m psyched. Microsoft is getting all soft and gooey on us and giving out a 50% discount on Fallout 3 DLC. UMMMMM. Kaching.

Fallout 3 isn’t a short RPG and the DLC for this game really accomplishes some extra fleshing out of the game. I’m only on my second play-through but I better jump while the prices are low. You should, too!

Each pack is available for only $5 (400 MSP):

Operation Anchorage

The Pitt

Broken Steel

Point Lookout

Mothership Zeta

Since when did NES (Nintendo Entertainment System) games get released in 2010? SINCE WHEN? Where was I for that memo?

Apparently there is a new one coming out called Battle Kid: Fortress of Peril. It looks  all 8-bitty and good. But seriously. Where the fuck was I when this happened? I am both shocked and awed.

You can buy the NES cartridge sometime soon through RetroZone. Cartridge. Huh. Now that’s a word I never thought I’d use again. Check out the video below to see how retro and awesome it is. I’m basking in the electric keyboard background music.

Although I never got into the Kindgom Hearts franchise, I still think it’s a great idea for a game. Combining Final Fantasy and Disney characters into one great storyline? Um…. yea. That has got to be a formula for some serious success. I love when two of my favorite things are combined. Like chocolate and puppies.

Well the new Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep trailer was released at Jump Fiesta 2009 … a whopping seven minute trailer. So sit back, grab some chips, and enjoy. Catch the gallery of stills after the video!

There is a fine line between gratitude and batshit crazy: “hey, gee, thanks mom and dad!” and “AAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEECCCCCCCHHHHHHH!” The kid in this Christmas morning video obviously opted for the latter.

I love the joy of Christmas , even now as an adult that only receives tube socks, so I gotta cut this kid some slack. But I also will suggest that he starts taking some high blood medication before he strokes.

If you’re unsure what-the-heck Telltale Games is, it’s the company that brought you the episodic adventure games like Sam & Max, The Tales of Monkey Island and Strong Bad’s Cool Game for Attractive People.

According to their blog Telltale games is going to have a post-Christmas clearance sale…minus the agonizingly long lines!

Buy some store merchandise and we’ll give you 25% off the entire order, to save us the trouble of organizing. Shipping is still free on orders over $25.

Nothing says post-Christmas cheer like sales and goodies. So don’t be stuck with that itchy sweater kiddies, go buy some games!

I’m not even a huge Mass Effect fan but… I gotta admit there is just something so satisfying about this cinematic trailer. Maybe it’s because it looks so crisp and sounds so good… I’m not sure. But it makes me kind of pee. Plus one of my favorite people ever is in it:

I wish Yvonne Strahovski would be my friend.

Regardless, here is the cinematic trailer for your very own eyes.

Generally speaking, I’m not a fan of massacres. Generally. So when I completed the No Russian mission on Modern Warfare 2, I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t sad either, since all of the innocents dying were computer generated. I mean I see the same CGI chick in a purple sweater at least three times in the above image. It’s pretty removed from reality if you asked me.

Well no one did ask me. Because a group of Christians in Maine are getting their panties in all kinds of twists. They said:

“All decent people should denounce the video game ‘Modern Warfare 2;’ and join in opposing the sale and use of such games.”

Well now, I’m kind of offended, too. I’m decent and I love Modern Warfare 2. I understand it’s about modern warfare so I won’t get all upset. I’ll just go to church on Sunday, adopt some kids and feed the hungry.

Maybe there is some kind of correlation between the shitheads who shoot up schools/convenience stores and violent video games, I don’t know. I haven’t seen the numbers. But if you can’t handle violence then tell your Xbox 360 at the beginning of the game that ‘NO I DON’T WANT TO SEE SOME BLOODY MASSACRES.’  Or maybe you should go live in Australia.

There is violence everywhere kiddies. And if these extremists think that video games are evil, they probably think the media is, too. And magazines. And those talking pictures. Violence. Is. Everywhere. Games are single handedly going to push people over the edge.

GOD I LOVE RANTING ABOUT THIS… but I need to stop. So shut up Maine Christians (Christian Civic League of Maine). You give us a bad name.