JoyStickChick

Happy Aquarium

Oh God, another Facebook game. You simply cannot get away from these MF-ers. If you took all of the time that people play Facebook games instead of working, I wonder how much it’d add up to? I’m guessing $20 billion.

What is Happy Aquarium?

Happy Aquarium is another one of those retardedly popular Facebook games… and it proves that non-English-sounding, nonsensical names do work. (Good, I was planning to launch Happy Floor later this month.) The goal of Happy Aquarium is to level up, get gold, and buy junk and fish for your tank. Basically. This Facebook giant is made by CrowdStar and not Zynga (for a change).

What is good about Happy Aquarium?

Happy Aquarium fish are cute as babies. Being a woman, if something is cute I immediately love it. Even if it is a mange-infested stray cat with rabies. If it’s cute, I would let it into my car to scratch my eyes out. So there are immediate points. Also, it’s neat that you can teach your Happy Aquarium fish tricks and play games with them (i.e. things you can’t do with real fish and that’s why real fish suck).

Why does Happy Aquarium suck?

You can only look at your stupid fish for so long. Plus, there isn’t an efficient way to get in game money. SURE I’d like to buy a sweet pyramid to put in my fish tank, but I’m not going to save up over weeks in order to do it. Happy Aquarium underestimates a gamer’s impatience, clearly.

How do I feel about Happy Aquarium?

It’s not nearly as engaging as Farmville (and that’s saying a lot). Once you get halfway through the group of fish you can get as you level up you start to think to yourself “Why do I give a fuck about getting that purpley-blue circle that sort of looks like a fish?” And then you promptly quit playing and never look back. There are tons of Happy Aquarium tips and tricks out there, but mainly they just say clean your tank and mate your fish. I.E. PLAY THE GAME.