Shattered Memories Initial Impressions

Growing up, I always had a special affinity for Silent Hill… mainly because I saw someone play it when I was a kid and then I had nightmares. And nightmares. And maybe once I thought Pyramid Head was going to kill me. The local police totally forgave me for the one assault charge.

So when I heard that there was a Wii version of Silent Hill coming out, I was ecstatic. When I first popped the game in, this “re-imagining” of the original Silent Hill, I was impressed by the graphics. By the menu screen, with the static popping in and out, I was ready to play.

The game, although based on the original concept of a father looking for his lost daughter in Silent Hill after an accident, has a much colder feel. Literally. Instead of a town enveloped in smoke and fog, Silent Hill is overtaken by a blizzard. It’s dark and snowy, giving any player a real case of the creeps. The game stays true to the “flashlight only” rule to lighting, so my nerves were running high.

The game up until the first venture into the nightmare, coming soon.

Pet Society

All right Facebook, we get it. You have games. WILL IT EVER END? Pet Society is one of the most tolerable ones out there… so Facebook, I’m going to let your annoying plethora of games slide this time.

What is Pet Society?

Pet Society is one of the cutest Facebook applications out there, exluding PetVille (see entry below). PlayFish really hit the ball out of the park regarding cute animals, easy gameplay, and customization. You race your pet, brush it, feed it, play games with it and dress it. You can decorate your Pet Society house and make your pet be the talk of the town. If anyone gave a shit about your stupid Facebook game, of course.

What is good about Pet Society?

Pet Society is one of those games that you can play continuously. Apps like FarmVille and Happy Aquarium you can only play for so long until you get to a point where you simply cannot do anything else. In Pet Society, you could waste all of your damn time trying to get the golden Jump Rope award (which is impossible, by the way).

Why does Pet Society suck?

The graphics are a little on the old side, but that’s not a huge deal. I can look past the surface. However, I cannot be teased day after day with all of the ridiculous stuff you can buy your pet that I can’t afford! I want to play a game! I don’t want this to be like real life! It’s too damn hard for to earn the coins needed to decorate a Pet Society house but people can beat Through the Fire and Flames on Expert? REALLY?

How do you feel about Pet Society?

Based on the crap it is compared to, Pet Society is a pretty good Facebook game. It’s not text based, so it’s visually appealing, and leaving your pet alone for days won’t really do much aside from making it a little smelly. Pet Society cheats don’t really exist, you can’t use the Cheat Engine as you would in most of the Zynga games, but it is still a good way to waste time. Unless a better version comes out? Oh? There IS a better version?

Happy Aquarium

Oh God, another Facebook game. You simply cannot get away from these MF-ers. If you took all of the time that people play Facebook games instead of working, I wonder how much it’d add up to? I’m guessing $20 billion.

What is Happy Aquarium?

Happy Aquarium is another one of those retardedly popular Facebook games… and it proves that non-English-sounding, nonsensical names do work. (Good, I was planning to launch Happy Floor later this month.) The goal of Happy Aquarium is to level up, get gold, and buy junk and fish for your tank. Basically. This Facebook giant is made by CrowdStar and not Zynga (for a change).

What is good about Happy Aquarium?

Happy Aquarium fish are cute as babies. Being a woman, if something is cute I immediately love it. Even if it is a mange-infested stray cat with rabies. If it’s cute, I would let it into my car to scratch my eyes out. So there are immediate points. Also, it’s neat that you can teach your Happy Aquarium fish tricks and play games with them (i.e. things you can’t do with real fish and that’s why real fish suck).

Why does Happy Aquarium suck?

You can only look at your stupid fish for so long. Plus, there isn’t an efficient way to get in game money. SURE I’d like to buy a sweet pyramid to put in my fish tank, but I’m not going to save up over weeks in order to do it. Happy Aquarium underestimates a gamer’s impatience, clearly.

How do I feel about Happy Aquarium?

It’s not nearly as engaging as Farmville (and that’s saying a lot). Once you get halfway through the group of fish you can get as you level up you start to think to yourself “Why do I give a fuck about getting that purpley-blue circle that sort of looks like a fish?” And then you promptly quit playing and never look back. There are tons of Happy Aquarium tips and tricks out there, but mainly they just say clean your tank and mate your fish. I.E. PLAY THE GAME.

As a gamer, I have to acknowledge that apps have pretty much taken over social networking. Forget the days of Xanga, MySpace or early-Facebook when you didn’t have 24 different apps asking you to sample their stuff and to whore yourself out. I must admit that there was a time when I was happily neck-deep in Farmville shit… but that time has passed. My rose-tinted glasses have been lifted and I SEE THE LIGHT!

Others, however, have not.

Farmville

What is FarmVille?

Farmville is a game created by Zynga that takes an RPG to the farm. No, no. I’m not kidding. This 73 million user game is all about growing shit and selling it. It is a glorified version of a lemonade stand. Your Farmville farmer plows, plants and harvests. As you advance through Farmville levels, you can buy different stuff like better animals, better crops and decoration for your farm.

What is good about FarmVille?

The only positive I can see in FarmVille that it gave me something to do while I was in lecture and I was on the verge of falling asleep. It is an appointment-based Facebook game… meaning when time passes in real life, it does in the game, too. This keeps you involved in the game constantly and always checking. So if you are planting blueberries then GOD HELP YOU because unless you check back in an hour or so, they will be gone. It’s a sad fact of life, folks.

Why does FarmVille suck?

TIME PASSES LIKE IN REAL LIFE. Do you know how mind numbingly frustrating it is for me to build my schedule around a G D game? If my druid was to act the same way in World of Warcraft, it would be getting lit the fuck up all night and day. There is a reason why this shouldn’t work.

How do I feel about FarmVille?

Basically, it goes like this. It’s one of the better social games out there because, let’s be honest here, 99.4% of your friends play it. The best part about social games is the comradeship you get plowing the fields together like a bunch of fucking migrant workers. How does it feel being a slave to Facebook?

Oh and did I mention there are FarmVille cheats?

Not everything in life is about looks, whatever, whatever. I get that. But when I see a brand spanking new game looking pretty that’s pretty much all I care about. I like the Prince of Persia franchise (and Jake Gyllenhaal) so I’m all aboard the 2010 PoP train. The screenshots of the Forgotten Sands game are looking great. I’m eager to play a Prince of Persia game that’s similar to the Sands of Time, so I can’t wait.

Finally, a Call of Duty classic game that isn’t centered on WWII! Now I’m not dissing the games, they have been awesome. But I’m sick of fighting the Axis powers you know? It’s rumored that the next Call of Duty game (due out in November 2010) will take place in Vietnam. Now, the US history in Vietnam isn’t exactly shiny and happy. The change of scenery in the game will be nice, though. Last year, Treyarch was looking for “Vietnam War era tunes.” Jump to conclusions all you want, Lord knows I am.

Click HERE to see the full version.

I always knew there was something a little off…

Ahhh, bliss. I know there were quite a few times during Ocarina of Time where I was two seconds from throwing my controller at the screen, just as long as it’d shut Navi the fuck up. Vengeance is sweet.

I have a theory. Ever since social gaming became the “in” thing, people have realized one thing. You can get spanking good games for free anymore. Facebook and MySpace offer a plethora of free games to try. It’s overwhelming, really. So because of all of these free games available through social networking sites, independent game developers were in the deep doo-doo.

But now, a bunch of independent developers are cranking out really good free games online. It used to be that the only free games you could play online were at shady-ass sites that were full of flash games made by 12 year olds and viri. Now you can get all of the flash game goodies you want for free. Hallelujah, hallelujah!

Gamasutra compiled a list of the best free games of 2009. Check it out, why don’t ya? And might I recommend clicking the “Minotaur China Shop” game. But if you don’t get the hilarity of title, don’t bother. If you have to ask, it just isn’t that funny anymore.

Seriously, Popcap? You think that you can rape me day after day with your stupid game? Well. You’re right.

I can’t seem to quit playing the new and improved Bejeweled Blitz, even if it is a dirty, cheating whore of a game. I can’t get over my high score of 181,000. Yet my friends (who, yes, have jobs and lives) can get over 300,000. How is that possible?! HOW?

I understand there are Bejeweled Blitz tips and tricks. If you play more moves at the bottom of the screen it will cause more cascades to form. Also if you play “smart” and make a bunch of power gems, you can really crank your score up. But IN A MINUTE? I start freaking out as soon as the game starts, so I can barely form coherent thoughts.

I’ve noticed that at every start, Bejeweled gives you one opportunity to form a power gem. I usually see clusters of 7-8 of the same colored gems… but I am completely screwed when it comes to actually making a power gem.

So screw you, Bejeweled Blitz for stealing my life.